Rant: He's godly, now what?

Before I start ranting on, let's answer What makes one godly?

To me, godliness is present when the love for God is evident. Loving God can come in different measures; but surely, it's more apparent than one's title (Like pastor, president, worship leader, cell group leader or head of ...), one's ministry, how one raises their hands in worship, how much one is willing to serve others, etc. I mean yes, your title, your ministry, your act of worship or your willingness to serve can all be a result or evidence of loving God. But surely, it isn't a measure of godliness.

Godliness is found in the overflowing, transparent and undeniable work of God through one's life. It's seeing the love of God overflow in one's life, one's heart and the way one relates to others. Godliness is seeing God work in, within, through and with the person. It's undoubtedly God, and you won't be able to miss it. Godliness is undeniable about one's character when all of him/her has been surrendered and renewed by God. It exhibits a change and difference that no one else can be held accountable or take credit for.

-

With that said, it's tough finding godly people.

I mean, yes, 'Christian' tends to be popular on the list of desired traits for Christians, but it isn't that difficult to find Christians. They're supposedly almost everywhere. Then there are others, like myself, where 'godly guy/girl' takes priority in the list.

I've come to realise the older I get, that there's a handful of godly men and women surrounding me. (Thank the Lord!). They've been an absolute blessing to me, in one way or the other. Shout out to my godly sisters especially *heart. 

This conversation of finding godly guys has emerged with some girl friends of mine; truth be told, we are able to spot god-loving men - yay! But somehow, it doesn't just end there.

I think for many, a godly guy or a godly girl is very much desirable, but we tend to dismiss the fact that it takes more than just a godly guy or girl.

Don't get me wrong, a godly person is surely attractive. But when we say 'where are all the godly men/women out there?', we actually mean 'where are all the godly men/women with other traits and add-ons out there?'

What I mean by that is it doesn't stop at godly.

Sometimes, many times actually, there are other things to consider.

Things like, chemistry, attraction/interest and compatibility. And those are only the basics.

Man, now that I think about it, finding love can both be hard and easy.

Hard in this case, because godly people don't tend to settle easily. They have high standards and tend to only pursue intentionally with one person. (Not complaining at all, I think that's great.). But that just means that it's kinda, well, very difficult. 

But back to the original question, say you do meet someone godly... now what?

1. Find a friend in him/her

I don't know about you, but finding consistent, genuine friends can be a bit of a challenge. Scratch that- finding one is easy; but maintaining a friendship with one is the hard part. When I decided to guard my heart, I took a lot of steps back and made changes to how I live my life. One being that I don't actually let the opposite gender into my life so closely. 

I definitely don't think it's wrong to have good friends of the opposite sex. I mean just a few years back, many of my companions were male and I confided in several close guy friends very intimately. My decision in taking a step back from being close to the opposite gender is because I know myself. 

Not too long ago, I had an incredibly great guy friend. We clicked really well and our friendship was really comfortable; we could talk about literally anything and everything, and it got to the point where the amount of time I invested in him caused even my family and friends to question our platonic friendship. Now you may be thinking 'people can think what they want, but if it's not like that, it doesn't matter what they think'. Well, it wasn't like that between us... but we were super close that I was so attached to him as a friend, I caught the feels. It got really confusing for me and it only hit me when I realized I had to tell him absolutely everything and relied on him emotionally and spiritually.

There were also other instances where I had close guy friends in the past who were confused about the blurred line that apparently exists between opposite gendered best friends. While I do think guys and girls can be best friends, there are stages of where that exists and where it starts to make everything all fuzzy. Even with guys I didn't see myself with, I have also questioned our friendship at some point.

However, there are some guys where I can truly see myself friends with now. They're not my best friends, nor are we super close. But they are guys who I enjoy having as plain friends. Not sure about you, but I'm the kind of person who becomes quieter or more mellow/shy when it comes to someone I have feelings for. So I tend to notice that when I fist pump/high five/approach a guy (making the first move in reaching out), I genuinely see that person as a (genuine) friend. Having said that, in terms of my behavior, for guys I am acquainted with, DON'T have an interest in or aren't that close to - they belong in the same category as guys I do have feelings for. I know, it seems strange but that's how I can tell when I find myself liking someone as just a friend.

*Wow, all that rant and I haven't even started on elaborating on my first point.

My point is, if you do find someone who could be a 'potential', your next step should be finding a friend in him or her. #notetoself.

As hard as it is for me to step out of my comfort zone to reach out to someone I could possibly have an interest in, I really won't know the person unless I get to know the person. And I don't mean go on a date to get to know the person. I mean is there a strong genuine friendship with that person, even without a relationship? Can you even have a friendship with someone without going on that first date?

It sounds like I'm giving an advice to you, but really, I'm reminding myself.

Many dream of falling in love with their best friend. But I don't think that's my dream. I mean, not all things work out so 'perfectly'. Some people may find an interest before they even become good friends and others truly do fall for their best friend. 

I think ideally, whatever situation you may be in (whether you're just acquaintances, plain friends, good friends or best friends), the best question to ask yourself is 'Can I find a friend in him/her?'

What does a friend look like to you?

*pssss, by friend, I mean the genuine kinda friend. Like that real, strong friendship kinda friend.

For example, with my friendship with Abigail (my best friend), we truly look out for one another and want the best for each other. We correct each other when necessary, we speak words of encouragement, we share our thoughts, feelings and dreams. We do life together and we are walking alongside the journey of growth - and that's such a great feeling.

I don't expect myself to find the exact kind of friend in a potential partner - especially before we even start dating. But some good questions to ask would be:

- If this guy/girl was of the same gender as me, would we be good friends?

- Can I truly be a friend to this person?

- Is this person a friend to me?

You may not be at that stage where you know if this person can be a friend to you yet, or vice versa, but perhaps as you do grow in relationship with one another, it's something good to keep in mind. Because in the long run, friendship is one of the best things a relationship can have.

If your partner is a friend, he/she would want the best for you. he/she would say things to build you up and encourage you. he/she would respect you. he/she would enjoy your company. he/she would treasure you as a friend in their life. he/she would continue to be a friend throughout.

Some of the loveliest marriages or relationships I've seen are those with couples who have a strong foundation as friends. I see the comfort a friendship brings, the security and care a good friend would extend, the humour and fun that friends enjoy and I see a kind of love that goes beyond lust, infatuation and short-term feelings.

Friendship in a relationship is displayed in an overwhelming care for someone for who they are, not who you want them to be in your life. It's accepting them and loving them unconditionally. It's having the joy and comfort of you being you and for him (or her) to be him (or her). 

So the next step?

Find a friendship in him or her.

"A friend loves at all times..."

- Proverbs 17:7a

Rant: A flaw I have

Hey there!

This isn't one of my relationship post series, but it has everything to do with relationships and a lot to do with myself. I'm being really vulnerable and transparent in sharing this, but it's a journey for me and so it's something I'd like to share.

You see, I have a problem. I have several problems but today I'm gonna share one.

Quoting my sister, "You don't have a lot of flaws, but the few flaws you do have are ones that are difficult to change". I'll be the first to admit this, but I'm not very flawed. In fact, one of my strengths is changing to be better - and that would explain why I am generally a very pleasant person to have around... I make a very lovely daughter, a wonderful sister, a best friend and probably a great girlfriend. Okay, 'how is that a flaw?', you may wonder. Truth is, I sometimes don't know myself. How is wanting to be the best that you can be a flaw? I don't know.

But my flaw is wanting (attempting, desiring, longing) to be perfect.

It started many years ago. I was quite a nasty person - inside and out. When I was in my early teen years, I was rather mean and not very pretty either. However, because of the bullying and realising that others are actually humans with feelings and a heart, I started to change. I became more aware of the feelings of others, not just a little bit, but I actually became caring. I became all these nice things and started to be a nice person inside and out. It was really timely, as puberty hit me, I actually looked better, as my insides became more attractive, so was I on the outside.

That's when I realised that changing for the better is always something I should aim for. It started small where I would develop traits that most people would consider as nice. But it got really addictive that I started finding myself actively intending to change to be what others would consider as perfect. The descriptions of what other guys would describe as a great girl, or a girl describing the ideal best friend, or aunties and uncles describing what a good child should be like - anything and everything I mentally noted and my heart started pursuing that.

Oh, I was also growing in God at the same time. He worked through and within me. And I definitely am a different person today compared to 4 years ago because of Him. A lot of my values, beliefs, the core of who I am, my experiences, journey and growth is all because of Him.

But as I grew and changed with God, the desire to be perfect was still something that was stuck in my heart... and although I've tried my best to not be perfect, I see little traces of this flaw come alive.

3 years ago, when my last relationship ended, my ex-boyfriend told me that I was a perfect girlfriend. And that I deserved someone better, and that he wasn't good enough for me, etc. Funnily enough, I believed him. Not so much the fact that he wasn't good enough or that I deserved someone better, but I actually believed that I was a perfect girlfriend because that was literally what I aimed for. However, he also said it in a way that was negative. That I actually had a problem, that I wanted to be perfect and that came through in how I carried myself. I thought he was ridiculous. Because how is being perfect actually a bad thing? It makes no sense.

A few weeks ago, I went to see my campus speech therapist because I wanted to have correct pronunciation. English is my first language, but because I am a Malaysian that partially grew up in New Zealand, I have a foreign accent (to Malaysians) and actually pronounce some things differently (to New Zealanders). I am also studying to be a primary school teacher, so to me, it's important to be able to read accurately and pronounce words exactly how they're supposed to be pronounced. However, when I met my speech therapist, it felt more as if I was meeting a counsellor. She said there was nothing wrong with my speech, and that I probably wanted to perfect everything because of my cultural background(?). In which I knew it definitely wasn't from my cultural background, because I just want to have correct pronunciation for my sake, not because my culture says we have to ace everything and be perfect.

Then very recently, I've been going through something this year that leads to anxiety. In which my close friends know about, and they concluded that if anything, it's probably my mentality that's affecting me, not my physicality. In other words, one of my best friends actually said that because she knows the kind of person I am, I am a perfectionist and that affects my situation negatively.

Side note, the perfectionist they're all referring to isn't the typical generic type of making sure everything is detailed and right; but it's the desire and mentality I have to be the best that I can be, in their words - a 'perfectionist', someone who wants and expects to be perfect.

Due to my anxiety, I went to see my church counsellor. After evaluating my situation for a while, she mentioned that because everything is going pretty good for me in life (as in every aspect of my life), it's probably not a sudden circumstance or my family background that has influenced my 'perfectionist' mentality. Rather, it has a lot to do with self-esteem and self-acceptance.

-

I write this because I'm currently dealing with a situation that shows just how right they are. That yes, I have a problem. And my problem is wanting to be perfect.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe that wanting to be the best that I can possibly be is a good aim and it is still something I will constantly work towards, but I see this perfectionism come alive as a demon too.

For example, one very flawed mentality I currently hold is that I need to look (almost) perfect before I get into a relationship. I've been feeling rather miserable today because physically, I feel like I'm not good enough. You know what that sounds like to me? It sounds like someone is taking the place of God in my life.

I've always been a people-pleaser kinda person. Not to the point where I fall into peer pressure and do silly things, nor is it sucking up to people in order for them to like me. You see, it all links to that mentality of wanting to be perfect, especially to people I selectively choose to be on the receiving end.

A very personal example for me, but when I was in a relationship, I did things with my boyfriend then out of the desire to please him. It wasn't his fault, he didn't manipulate me into it and it was purely my choice to act on things from a flawed mentality. In a relationship, there are 3 possible desires: To please your partner, to please yourself or to please God.

I guess if I was honest, I do fear to be in a serious official long-term relationship. I'm afraid of being vulnerable, as open as a person I am. I'm scared to love again, I don't want to lose another person and I'm terrified of being hurt.

I don't expect the person to be perfect, but I expect myself to be. And so before I do get into my next relationship, I hope I no longer hold this flaw.

I don't know what to say, my post has no solution to my problem; it doesn't have an end, because it's just something I'm facing currently.

But I can tell you my next steps! My next steps will be to trust in God, to look to Him for my identity, to guard my heart, to do things His way, to focus on pleasing Him - not anyone else or myself. Until then, I'll keep you posted :)

For the oppressed

My heart is bitter, my tears are for you.

In my life, in the world I live in, I have not felt the pain you felt.

I wouldn't know your loss. I couldn't relate to your difficulties.

I cannot put myself in your place, I cannot degrade your concerns.

I can't imagine living where you are, I can't feel the fear you feel.

I don't have the courage you're left with, I don't have your place to know.

But my heart weighs heavy for your story.

My heart is torn at the sight of your weariness and trauma.

Many girls, women and men, are captured, tortured, abused and raped daily.

I watched a video regarding the Yazidi women that were enslaved by the ISIS.

I am deeply distressed for them.

I am really really upset at this.

I am truly brokenhearted, I am disappointed;

I long to speak out for those who don't have a voice, but I don't have a platform to begin.

I suppose I fear being alone, I fear the ignorance of people.

A few days ago, the topic of ISIS came up in a conversation between me and a few classmates. One of them was a Muslim. She's very innocent, but very ignorant.

Upon bringing up the subject of the ISIS, she said it was made up, and that they're not real, etc. When I mentioned human trafficking, she said 'can we please not talk about this? It doesn't have anything to do with us.' She seemed disturbed by the topic, but not in the way she should be. 

I've mentioned the topic of human trafficking to my other friends previously. It seems like no one knows what it is. Maybe it's due to the fact that New Zealand is a liberated country, or maybe this generation doesn't have a care about what's outside their own world or maybe it's those who know but don't do anything about it.

At this, I'm very appalled. I'm shocked to know that there are people who don't care and people who don't want to care.

Human trafficking and persecution are two things that make me cry, but I admit, I forget about it too easily. I resume to my world that's free of such chains and distraught. This is why I'm disappointed - in myself, for being full of myself.

"The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble;" - Psalm 9:9

Note to Self: Generosity and Kindness

Generosity and kindness goes beyond giving when you have an abundance. It's a trait that is rarely found or seen. "She's kind," they say. "I love to give," one may say. It is often an act that is overrated.

However, definitely a character that shouldn't be undermined. For the heart who holds such care for others is selfless. He/She may not begin with a selfless heart, but with will and understanding, it can be apparent.

Let generosity be not limited to finances, resources, time, effort, words and care. Let it be all of the above, and beyond. Let kindness overflow, even to the basic of necessities - even to the point of being deprived. Let your giving be one that is intentional, one that comes of surprise, in both your comfort and during your times of want or need.

Malaysia '15

*This photo is of my hand, taken in Auckland City Art Museum. I like how it ties in with the theme, I actually took this awhile ago, and figured it matches the theme considering there's a whole yellow section. Also, I love how there are different colours, to me it represents Malaysia being a multicultural nation. I love how it's a hand up with different colours as well, as it shows willingness, courage, change and democracy.

-

Two days ago, thousands of Malaysians in different parts of the world attended an event called Bersih 4.0 and yesterday was Malaysia's Independence Day.

You see, I am what some would consider a banana, or an abc (American-born-Chinese) - and I'm not even in America, never been there, wasn't born there, nor am I a Chinese!

I am a hybrid-cultured-being; I was born in Kk, grew up in a cave in KL (not literally) and spent my pre-teen years and adolescence in Auckland, New Zealand. Simply put, I am a westernized Malaysian.

Honestly, I don't know what Bersih really is about. Initially, upon hearing the word, I think of the literal meaning in Malay, which means 'clean'.

I envision the purpose of being a part of such an event is for a better Malaysia. It's this season of the year, that Malaysians come together and act upon being 'one Malaysia' or 'satu negara'.

Though it's a very thoughtful gesture to attend Bersih 4.0 in another country other than Malaysia, I think we need to go beyond a simple thought or attendance.

Here is a (supposedly) influential, decision-changing, and inspiring message/reminder - to myself, and to those who are studying abroad.

While I was living in NZ during my teenage years, I detested Malaysia. Not for the common reasons: the government, weather and dirty environment. But I hated Malaysia because I never loved Malaysia, I never found Malaysia a lovely place, and my childhood memories didn't bring back any lovable memories about the nation and culture as a whole.

When I turned 16, I returned with my family midway through 2012. In the beginning, my hatred towards the place, people, culture and all was apparent. However, shortly after, I fell in love with Malaysia. Yes, Malaysia truly Asia, that's the place I fell in love with.

Three years after, now, I'm back in Auckland, New Zealand, for university. Upon coming back here, I've set my mind and future plans on returning to KK, Malaysia. Now that I'm here for around half a year, I'm starting to question my sureness. When asked, I mentioned how there's a 60% chance I'll return home, and a 40% chance of me staying in New Zealand, or living in Australia or even Singapore. But I was mistaken.

Many Malaysians I met who came here to study told me they want to and intend on residing here. My friends who are studying abroad have also said they may not return to Malaysia.

And only recently, I've come to understand what has been said all along; the 'good', skilful and full-of-potential Malaysians keep leaving.

Today, I made an unwritten promise that I will return to Malaysia, unless God plans otherwise. Whether I find a significant other here, or someone who comes from elsewhere, I intend to go back to Malaysia.

A part of my purpose is to be in Malaysia to make a difference. You see, our generation has the key to change the future of our nation.

That's where you come in.
You, who study overseas; I know life seems exciting, you have your independence. Education is much better than Malaysia, you meet people from different walks of life, different nationalities and so forth.

But can I challenge your decision of not returning back to where you came from? You, I need you. We all need you, we all need each other.

What makes Malaysia Malaysia, is the people. It's you. It's every single one of us. Without the people residing, it's not Malaysia.

I know the government is corrupted, the crime rate is infamous, the land is filthy and ruined, the people go beyond familiarity. There's the economic problem, the lack of excellent education, the incredibly hot weather, and the cons can continue..

However, there's a formula.
There's a way to revoke the state that Malaysia is in, and well, you are a vital part of that formula.

We know the general idea of what's bad and what's good. Need I say, our country is in a bad state. But it's not to the point of hopelessness. We have hope. But we need to come together, the ones who are there, and
those who are scattered - us.

You see, the other nations are supposedly prosperous or advanced, simply because 1. They have the advantages of having a multitude of skillful people from other countries to invest in their own nation. 2. The nations that are succeeding, it's so because their people are investing in their own country. (Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan and South Korea).

We were given the opportunity of studying abroad, let's return to create better opportunities. Let's set the better lifestyle we want to live, let's bring in what Malaysia doesn't have. Or what it already has, let's make it better.

Our generation can take a stand. So here's a reminder and promise to myself;

Come back home// Go back home

Janji Kita tahu Kita siapa.

'Janji kita tahu' is a short film by dmingthing on YouTube. It is so on point, do watch it. I hope we would all come back, and be the generation to start the significant change in our nation.

"When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed." - Proverbs 11:10-11

Mini rant/update

Hey there!

I know it's been so long since I last posted, but I have valid reasons.

Before I list them and have a mini rant, I'll post three short photo updates!

Em's trial prom make up on me!

Because I left NZ mid-way through year 11, and never went to a proper school in KK, I missed ball/prom. But now that I'm in university, they have several balls/formal events within a year! This week, I've got two! They're not as fancy as high school proms, but still a night for us to dress up and all! Friday is Soiree (which is like a fancy party, semi-formal) with the theme Neverland, held by my uni' club/Friday youth, OCF - Overseas Christian Fellowship! The second one is a formal, which is held by my old youth, PCBC - Pakuranga Chinese Baptist Church! It's gonna be more formal, and like a fancy night - small scale, rather than ballin' large. So yeah! I'm excited and will definitely blog on it :)

Ju Winn a.k.a Winna, Me and Ju Chen!

Ju Chen visited Winna for three weeks, so we finally got to meet! She's so gorgeous, isn't she? They're both fellow Sabahans as well, and we had sisters supper the night this photo was taken; Kathmandu triplin' (see what I did there)

HOPE shirt for charity!

Bought this HOPE shirt for a charity for children in Philippines who are less fortunate than we are. They sold out size s so quickly, so I got a size m because I'm in love with the design, and for the meaning behind the tee. I will be wearing it as a t-shirt dress, or tucking it in when I wear it with bottoms!

Finally, my reasons for being inactive:

I have been so so so busy - like always. But really though! In the last month, university semester 2 began for me, I got a job at Gong Cha - the first one that opened in NZ! So we were and are still pretty busy! But I love working in hospitality, particularly in GC. The working environment is just great, and I actually love what I do.

Two assignments due this week, and I only just finished one of them this afternoon, and another one to go! Two proms coming up this weekend, and three work shifts to fit in. In addition to that, I have classes to attend, fats to burn and so forth.

So my apologies for the delay, I will be blogging soon!

Love,

Chelsea x

Qualities of a friend

Hey there!

So today's rant will be on "QUALITIES OF A FRIEND".

Speaking of friend, my very good friend (and like-brother) made a blog!

Nathanael Hsieh is his name, and he was one of the first friends I made when I came back.

His blog is a personal blog, but I'm very impressed with how fast he designed his layout, widgets, gadgets and all! Impressive huh? Minimalist designs are always so nice :D
AAAAAND, he blogs often too!

I put a lot of thought into what I think are qualities that should be in a friend.
I personally don't consider many as friends.. but rather, I have more good close friends.
For me, these are the different stages of friendships. (Which I may blog about someday)

Brief Acquaintances
High Acquaintances
Family Friends
Friends
More than Friends
Good Friends
Best Friends

Lol yeah, my mindset is pretty complicated.

I know that there are different 'expectations' for different sectors of friendship;
for eg. You'd expect more from a good friend compared to a friend. And much more from a best friend than a good friend.

In today's rant, I won't focus so much on the qualities of just friends.
I'm gonna talk about Qualities of a good friendship
(Regardless of which stage you're in: friend//good friend//best friend)

*Bear in mind that this is completely my perspective & you may think otherwise.

What should it take to be a friend?

In my opinion, these:

1. Respect

I used to be in friendships where as best friends or good friends, we'd call each other 'bitch', 'sluts', 'whore' and such. At the time of course, I didn't mind. As when used in that context at the time with such a friendship, it would be okay. In fact, we'd respond with a laugh or somewhat alike title.

Maybe it's the fact I changed over time, but I really am not attracted to negativity, swear words and vulgarness. Not that I'm all 'angelic' but I'm more of realistic. To me, I don't see the 'thought' of those words. (You know when people say "it's the thought that counts"). Yeah, no, I'm sure the thought of calling me slut = my bestest friend for life doesn't make any sense.

I don't see the fact that being able to call each other 'faggot' or 'hoebag' or 'idiot' gives the idea that we are close. That's practically stupid. It shows the lack of ability to speak properly and to show proper and genuine affection.

But I admit I used to be guilty of that, and if I have used such a context in our friendship, I truly apologise.

For me (my sister, Esther & people who are similar to us), respect is absolutely important!

Especially in this context of name-calling.

Being a friend - or even a best friend for that matter, doesn't give you the right to make this acceptable.

Likewise respect goes hand in hand with jokes.

I've experienced and even witnessed friendship with jokes that are offensive and hurtful.

You know, those love-hate friendships?

Throw a hurtful joke at them and say "I was only joking" doesn't make you a good friend.

In fact, it doesn't make you a friend. AT ALL.

I think many people need to really consider these things; It's not just amongst friends, but even within family. It's never okay to call people names like such.

2. Good mutual communication

Communication is key.

Now, communication isn't only talking.

For many, the word communication draws up a picture like this:

Two people talking

And yes, although talking plays a huge part in communication..

Listening, Understanding and Engaging is also included for good mutual communication.

In fact, good mutual communication makes up a lot of friend chemistry.

Good mutual communication is something I see that has to remain going throughout a good friendship. It's something that comes naturally, and only gets better with more of it.

It's after eight years of friendship, the communication is not exactly perfected, but it's what keeps the heart connected. You're able to connect.

You'd be surprise, but having good mutual communication isn't found often. It's not just being able to extend a conversation or being able to talk for quite some time. It's having heart to heart conversations that leave you questioning life, those that make your emotions feel energised, it's one that helps you relate and examine your values.

That's what it means to really connect.

When conversations are soul-deep.

3. Reasonable amount of effort

I'll make it short and simple.

Having the ability to maintain the friendship, keep in touch and show affection.

Maybe it's not so reasonable after all.

But you need to not just look for me when you need me.

To be a good friend is to show concern for my life, my well-being.

4. Comfortability

Being able to be myself comfortably is very important to me.

With some people, the comfort comes naturally. I don't even have to try.

Like my 'brother', Nath, so comfortable that he became like a bro.

Being comfortable will also mean being transparent and open.

5. Support

This is very necessary to me.

I can be open to you, but if I don't get the support I need, we probably won't be really close friends.

Emotional support in friendship is probably the most important.

It's so nice to have a friend who is able to lift your spirits up when you're down, to guide you on the right path and just encourage you.

6. Appreciation

Last but not least, appreciation.
That's like all 5 love languages.
Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Time, Acts of Service and Touch.

Just to show appreciation for how thankful you are that we are friends means a lot to me.
Thankfully, most of my good friends do show that.
I'm completely a word person. So letters/cards/long texts mean so much to me.

Little gifts (or big), anything to just make me feel like you put the extra effort will melt my heart.

-

So yeah, that's six qualities a good friendship needs - to me :)

That man

He's someone smart, probably really smart.

I think he's ambitious.

Maybe a doctor?

An engineer. A lawyer. Or maybe a businessman.

Nah, not a doctor. He needs to have time for you.

He's in that professional job category.

Uh.. fair. Tan, but not too dark. Like, olive?

Godly? Yeah, he has to be godly.

I think he needs to be affectionate. Like, the first one to make the first move?

He dresses well. Really well.

He needs to dress well, but not like over.

Like even if it's casual, it's not exactly casual?

Yeah.. he's fit. Probably decent. Maybe quite good looking.

Fit. Tall.

OH! Yes. He has to be good looking, cause yaknow.. 

Mm.. slightly taller than you.

I think someone sporty. Yeah, someone who loves sport.

He can be funny, but he can also be in deep talks; cause you know, yeah. He HAS to know how to be in deep talks.

Someone gentle, someone really nice.

He needs to accept the fact that you are the type to have your own mindset.

Someone really patient.

He can't be too serious.
You need someone lame. You're too serious.
Maybe glasses, like that smart geeky but good looking look.
Smooth skin, yes.
Nah, not a geek or a nerd. Someone good looking.
Nah, not baby fair. Just a bit fair?
He's like a leader. But he's not controlling.
He needs to understand you.
expressive? Yes, he definitely has to be expressive.

etc etc etc.

That's a compilation of some of the common characteristics that ring through my mind at the moment.

"Okay, so what kind of a person do you see me with?"

or so I would usually phrase it..

"Okay guys, what kind of a person do you guys see [insert name of person who is amongst us] with? Let's take turns!" (I'd say excitedly, and then their smiles would emerge)

It'd usually start with someone I named, and it'll go round.

Trust me, it makes quite THE conversation.

I first asked the question probably a few years back, in New Zealand.

And I won't forget some of the first responses I got.

The reason why I ask:

My brain was convinced it was somewhat a psychological question.

You see.. asking one to describe the type of person they see me with, is indirectly analysing their perceptions of me.

My conclusions (so far) are these:

People would usually describe the person they see you with in three kinda ways..

1. Opposites attract

2. Similarities

3. Compatibility

Let your psychological skills unravel the three points.

It allows you to read the way a person views someone, or in my case, me.

It's interesting. And of course, very addicting.

Like the question "What do you look for in a boyfriend?" or "..a girlfriend?" or "..a partner?" or "..a future spouse?" - you get the idea.

I was asked those questions a lot, and I would ask them pretty often as well.

Until just a few days ago, a friend brought this up;

"Hey Chelsea. You usually ask 'What do you look for in a boy/girl?', how come you didn't ask Anthony?"

Yeah, I kinda stopped asking because it didn't quite matter anymore.

Asking relationship questions automatically makes me interested in a being.

In fact, in leads to me analysing them more than I really need to.

So now you know my secret. No, a secret. hm.

BTW, the paragraphed described early on in my post is not the kind of guy I would describe for myself. They are simply general responses that came to mind from several that I have asked.

But the 'dangerous' thing about this, is the fact that it's true. It's almost true. It's the ideal.

It's what people think would be the most suitable for me. Thus, it may lead to entertaining the idea even more so. Especially for me, I tend to take it as 'signs' & often get really excited about it, because the responses I get from the question are always never disappointing. In fact, quite the opposite.

Today I hear my cousins and sister describe that man (The man that is supposedly suitable for me). My sister is almost often there when this question comes up, and she "OOOH"s and "AAH"s and gives me approving looks because it so seems that every response I get are ideal.

So ideal that I wish there was a man like that.

In fact, I hope the man I end up with is like that.

And I even get my heart racing over some (okay maybe some - [a number] =1) - that one person that seems to match who people think I deserve and vice versa.

And that's scary, and disappointing and wrong in some kind of way.

Because what if that person isn't right for me, and what if this is only limiting my capability of accepting the man that God has intended for me?

What if, right?

HAHA.

Midnight rant. Just a thought.

Death

I'm not sure about you, but I don't really like talking about death.

Not because I fear death, nor is it the sadness or loss that comes after a death.

I just don't know what to say about death.

I never had a loved one die in my life.

Maybe I'm still young, or blessed, or it's just not the time yet.

Because I know that one day, all of us will come to pass.

The people I love will leave, the people I've known will leave, even the people I know of.

And of course, myself.

But I never really knew how it'd be like;

to experience a loved one's death.

Some say it changes people.

Someone that meant something great to me once, had a loved one pass away.

He changed after that, like a phase of depression.

What do you say to someone who had such a loss?

"My condolence?" "I'm so sorry?"

Does it do anything? Does it help? Does it mend ones broken soul?

Or Is it just a go-to phrase?

The dead don't need comfort, but yet most are held in high regard.

Yet, I think, life isn't held as precious as how the dead are.

The good things should be said when one is alive, no?

Why do people prepare a great speech about someone that will never live to hear such a speech?

Isn't it all vanity?

Why do they mourn and feel an empty hole when one passes?

Is that not vanity too?

For when the person is alive, their breath and very being is taken for granted.

Or perhaps, not cherished.

But to me, that's ignorance.

Living mundanely without acknowledging the very life of someone is indeed sad.

I'm guilty of it.

I think we all are.

So death, a loved one's death, should be one of the greatest lessons yet to learn.

Rant: Unnecessary attachments

I'm not sure about you, but I get pretty attached to things.

For example, Korean dramas.

Some time last year, a popular and well-loved drama 'My love from another star' was out.

It was really really good. I even made plans with Esther to slurp on Korean noodles and re-watch it after our exams were over. Never happened though, and I don't think we'll carry that out.

Anyways, the ladies in my family love Korean dramas.

And I remember some time after the drama ended, we were so hooked to the soundtrack, Do min joon(the main starring), the romance itself and so forth. It managed to slip into some of our conversations, my sister even had photos of the drama on her phone!

Now maybe I'm taking things too seriously, but I find it.. well, very unnecessary.

At times where my mum and sister would go on ranting about the drama itself, I find myself asking them not to talk about it. As if I was the one who had a bad break up with Do Min Joon. HA.

Crazy, no? But they responded as if I was being ridiculous.

Really, am I now?

Perhaps I am.

Because I find this overwhelming guilt after indulging in Korean dramas.

Don't you?

Like this very present moment, my mum got us hooked on the current latest 'Fated to love you'.

Boyyyyy, it is so good. I think I prefer it to 'My love from another star'.

But Esther said I'm just 'in the moment'. Maybe, maybe I am.

I'm also quite into playing The Sims. You know, the game?

HAHAH. What has this long break done to me.

I used to play it as a kid, on the computer.

And if you know me, I don't download games on my phone.

In fact, I enjoy downloading educational apps that will help improve my memory or my brain.

Or news applications like Business Insider. Or applications that help you plan or prioritise better.

But I downloaded The Sims, which came out free.

And I am currently accommodating 6 citizens in my 'town'.
And currently still increasing.

You know what, I went to bed feeling guilty for being hooked on it.

I am even having thoughts on whether I should delete the app before it ruins my life.

AM I A RESPONSIBLE ADULT STUCK IN THIS TEENAGE BODY.

Why can't I loosen up?

Oh, and it gets worse.

I woke up at 3am+. which by the way, is not usual for me.

You know, those sleeps where you actually slept, but woke up thinking you were like half awake and had only very few hours of sleep?

Yeah, I was shocked to see the clock on my phone staring blankly at me saying 3am+.

It doesn't end there.

I, I'm not sure if it's a dream, or was it a brief moment?

But, I went on The Sims.

To check on how they were doing, whether they've finished planting their plants so I can get them to do something even more productive and time consuming.

WOAH, stahp.

I even remembered playing a duplicate version of The Sims.

Just, well, a lower quality one?

Yeah, I was probably dreaming.

I mean I was like half awake, how could I have gone to The Sims.

Did I even have the patience and ability to do that?

(I usually turn my phone to flight mode before I zzzzzz, which means if I did go on, I had to unlock my phone, turn my flight mode off, click on The Sims, wait for them to 'connect me to the server' and click on each individual sims).

I couldn't possibly have done that.

Right?

Which sounds more insane?

To wake up at 3am+ to have this urge to check on my sims.

OR

dreaming that I did that, and even playing another duplicate low quality version.. in my dream?!

(I really need to upgrade my dreams).

Either way, one thing confirmed, I woke up at 3am+.

Oh, and twice.

Tell me about 'Chelsea, you think too much.'

It's true, huh? I got my own conscience to wake me up and drown me in my guilt.

Speaking of attachments, on another more (realistic) note..

I am pretty good at getting rid of them.

Notice I said pretty, not entirely.

Cause who gets rid of attachments entirely huh.

Yes, I'm the kind who likes things clear and defined.

I like to know things beforehand, with details.

And I don't like things lingering around.

I'm the type to delete conversations after they grow pointless and hanging, 

because just the name on my list of chats bothers me.

Perhaps I'm just easily bothered?

I should title this 'Easily bothered' rather than 'Unnecessary attachments'.

I don't know.

Am I being ridiculous or just protective?

Rant: A good power source

Hi! I haven't done a rant in awhile.

So here's a topic I'd like to bring up.

As you guys may know, I love to talk about relationships.

I love seeing people in serious relationships, and I like to understand the root of things.

So recently, I have several friends who have been going through different stages of a relationship themselves. 

I find myself asking others and even myself, 

"Why do you like this particular person?"

Of course, along with many other common reasons, I realise that many people tend to view the person they like as their source.

In other words, they find fulfilment and wholeness in the other person. (This could be temporary or long-term. Either way, most people can't really assure you how long feelings would last.)

Let's say, liking someone because they can draw you closer to God.

Now, don't get me wrong.

Having godliness as a trait to admire makes a whole lot of sense.

However, the mindset of it is wrong.

A good and healthy relationship (whether it be a couple relationship, friends or what not.) will naturally draw you closer to God;

But it's when you think by getting closer to someone else, 

will then create a bridge to God.. nope, that's where it's incorrect.

You shouldn't expect to get with someone to then be able to learn about God.
Or start to consider what's Godly, or start to then involve Him in your life.

Before a relationship, you should already have built your strong base of a relationship with God.
Only then, should you consider getting into a relationship with someone else.

For guys, I think having a firm foundation and intimate relationship with God should be vital. For then, they are capable of leading us as girls into experiencing God with them, together. As it is important for a man to be the leader in the family, they are expected to lead - that includes spiritually. How can we as girls follow or learn from them, if a good relationship with God is absent in their lives?

As for girls, it is also as important to have a close relationship with God.
He is ultimately our first love. We should learn how to serve, love and please God before any other guy that takes a place as your boyfriend. We should not depend on finding wholeness or security in other men, but Jesus alone. For He is the only one that can give us what we need. In fact, when you find your identity in Him, you won't find problems of finding yourself with a man.

To summarise it, we're all just human beings.
We need to feed ourselves, we all need something to be complete, and we all lack something.
We all have an emptiness that needs to be fulfilled.
We are all chasing after something, and often, that something is temporary.

So isn't it ridiculous, to have someone else as your source?
Because eventually, they can't give you what you're looking for.
They need something too, and chances are, you don't have that something. Because what they need, is one way the same or another as what you need. So it ends up becoming this cycle.

People go around sucking the lives out of each other, being left drained.
To later be disappointed and frustrated about putting what they have into something that can't give them what they ultimately need.

So I have two self-reflecting questions.

1. Where or Who do you find your ultimate 'source' of living?
2. Is someone else using you as their 'power source'?

And to end this,
whatever or whoever your source is, it's important to identify where you plug into.
Because you need a source that's reliable to be complete. Not a supply that is likely to run out.
And if you find yourself drained from being someone's power source, perhaps you need to re-think who you let plug into your mind, heart and life.

Rant: potential candidate

Hey! It's a Saturday night, but I thought I'd let out a short rant.

So today at supper, a friend of mine, Jess, we were having a conversation on random topics.

Somehow we got on with relationships (lol typical).

It started off with how a girl claimed that she should date Matthew, a friend of ours - who was there aswell. And also another girl friend of ours, thought that she and this other mutual guy friend of ours (who will not be named just in case) would be great together. LOL girls.

And then soon enough, How Uei, Matthew, Jess and I got into this conversation;

Pretty much, what wandered in my mind tonight was this:

The first stage of getting to know someone can really differ with the present stage of knowing someone.

So Matthew was stating how people would usually think he's potentially their type/a potential candidate to like or date initially, but once they get to know him, it's like... lol nah (not in these exact words, but somewhere along these lines). And then Jess was like "omg YES. Matt and I, never." , and I, well, I had to second that. haha. I mean meeting Matt at first impression, I thought he was pretty damn cute.

And then it just.. well, he's just matt.

Which brings me back to turning things the other way;

I then brought up how I've been reading some of our old messages, which I found amusing.

Like at the beginning - early phases of our friendship at least, he said something like how he would date me if I was his age because I'm blahblahblah, etc.

And to me, it's hilarious.

I then went on to scan some other old messages, and it's pretty similar one way or the other.

The way guys think of me initially, the way they approach me, and what their intentions were, etc.

There was once when I first came back here,

I met this guy at school, well not yet then; I won't mention his name, because that's unnecessary.

But he added me on FB shortly after, and this was what he said to me after a brief greeting:

"So, when are you gonna ask for my number?"

And I was seriously like lol wut. I don't want your number. If you want mine, you could just ask.

LOL, that was one awkward friendship we had. But we're friends now, which is funny.

I love bringing things like these back to haunt my guy friends.

They give me this embarrassed smile and be like "Uh no, I don't really remember."

But I do! FB messages never lie buddy. huehuehue.

HAHA So I'll be pretty straight up. A handful of guys that I meet, at the beginning, they seem to think like I'm idk, attractive in one way or the other? Or shall I say the 'potential candidate'?

I mean come on, we all have that, don't we?

The potential candidate;

It's like meeting someone decently attractive for the first few times, and then thinking "hmmm I wanna get to know this person more." Yaknow, those that seem like everything you thought you wanted at the start. Where infatuation pretty much takes control of it all, and that person just seem pretty damn amazing.

And then, it crashes.

Once they open their mouth, it's like ah.. no.

Or you realize that the person isn't actually what you were looking for,

or things just don't seem so right anymore.

I realized that it's so hard, to take yourself out from that phase of thinking of someone as a potential candidate. Truth be told, I have one in mind. But I'm a bit unsure.

From tonight's conversation, I've come to realize how important it is to really get to know the person before thinking of them as someone you would potentially share your heart with. I mean, it is a pretty big deal.

But most of the time, that doesn't happen.

Because everyone in that 'potential' zone, puts on a mask.

They become someone they think the other person deserves.

It's like trying to mirror what you see, only to know that the facade eventually will be revealed.

And so the best thing to do, for me at least, is:

1. To guard my heart

I think that's pretty tough for me. I don't fall for many. No, I don't fall for most.

I've gotten so used to the small talk, sweet talks, etc, that these amateur actions don't fascinate me anymore.

I'm looking for something deeper, something more worthwhile, purposeful and God-centered.

However, there are times where my mind gets all stirred up, that my heart follows.

2. To start developing a friendship-based relationship

I think this is absolutely crucial and challenging. It kinda contradicts itself, because somehow very good friends seem to link up with the friend zone. Honestly, I personally don't think I have a friend zone. Even if I do, I'm clearly aware it's easy to break out of it. 

Somehow though, I can't really see myself being really good friends with my 'potential candidate'. I know, not good Chelsea! But I can't help it, I can't just treat this person as a friend.

I think that's when it gets kinda well, not on the best path. According to Joshua Harris, a relationship that starts off from a friendship first, is always rewarding. And, I couldn't agree more!

And by friends, I don't just mean the hi-bye kinda friends.

I literally mean the kind of friendship with genuine care.

You really want the best for the other person.

Regardless of anything, you really truly care about the other person's well being.

That include physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc.

And friendship, a good one at least, has to be selfless.

So for me, instead of aiming for getting somewhere with the 'potential candidate', is to be a good friend to Him. It's to love him as a brother in Christ, knowing that everything - my actions, our relations or whatever, will be beneficial to his well being, rather than the other way round.

And by focusing on   f r i e n d s h i p,

I can envision the trust that comes with it, the feeling of being comfortable, laughter, honesty, the experiences of growing together, of relating, of compromising, all within the benefits of friendship.

It's a pretty thought.

I'd really like a relationship based on a good friendship.

HEHE.

Well, until then,

x 

Rant: unacceptable

Love is delirious.

It's absolutely crazy, silly, stupid.

It's addicting, irrational, and unreasonable.

But maybe this love I'm talking about, is just the product of what I think of love.

Perhaps it's just my experiences from love.

Maybe it's my observations from supposed love,

Or my attempts for love.

Maybe what I think love is, isn't actually love.

Maybe what we think love is, isn't it after all.

It occurred to me a few days ago, how foolish we label love.

In fact, it's absurd, what we've made of love.

A term, an expression, a feeling, an action, describable, yet indescribable.

Perhaps it's actually a simple definition, a plain meaning to it - but one that's enough, and does justice to love itself.

Love is cheap.

I could write it otherwise, and it'd be in another aspect and content.

But I'm here to write about what love was for me.

What a certain love was for me.

Like the cheap, small, adolescent, easy, immature  kinda love.

I think I've never been in love - no, a part of me would argue that I've been in love.

But the more I contemplate on it, the more I'm starting to doubt.

Love itself has been so twisted and changed to many forms, maybe we all don't really know what we're all on about.

And the more I look, see and feel, the more I observe it.

My generation doesn't know love.

I probably don't know how to love either.

It's funny because if you ask around, 98.9% of youths (well atleast in my life, I'm roughly estimating based on my own estimated figure so don't trust my stats) have probably claimed to be in love.

Like, love as in a relationship.

a fling. a boyfriend, a girlfriend. a feeling. an obsession. a crush. a thing.

Like when people say "oh, we have a thing."

(Something I probably have said/thought)

What the heck is a thing?!

The only one I know that doesn't come close to this stats, is my sister.

Esther, a special case she is indeed.

Apart from that, everyone seems to fall in the other category, one way or the other.

So technically, my stats should be 99.5%

But just to be safe, I'll stay with 98.9%.

Maybe it's just me, but I find it ridiculous to fall in love.

No, wait, you probably get me wrong.

I find it absurd how we, as human beings, fall and transit.

As much as I admire and adore high school relationships,

I probably scoff at relationships my age secretly.

Let me try to explain further.

By my admiration of high-school couples, I mean to say high-school sweethearts;

Like first loves, those that start off at school together, coming out into marriage, and still going strong.

I. applaud.

I, absolutely, undoubtedly, admire.

*clap. clap.

Can we, like, meet, and take a photo?

Seriously, whenever I meet one of these couples in person, hearing their story, I'm with complete awe in my eyes.. like, so, wow. How do you do it?

Admirable. Absolutely.

Unfortunately, it's almost hard to be that.

No wonder they're worth the value of being admired.

When i look at the relationships formed around me, or near to me, I..

how do I say this? I - nothing. Like literally, what's there to expect of relationships my age around me?

A complete an utter joke.

We go in and out of relationships.

It's absolutely ridiculous and silly;

Because pretty much, we take what seems to be the best and most appropriate candidate for us at the time being, let that person take up the position of being the other half, only to know when things don't work out, they become this unreasonable stranger and somehow the love-hate thing starts to form.

Like in majority of the relationships, love-hate.

Since when do hate go in pair with love?

I've heard how most people make marriage seem to be a love-hate thing.

Like "Oh, we love-hate each other."

Um, no.

Love doesn't go hand-in-hand with hate.

Like wow, can you not?

-

This gets to me.

If you think I'm ranting now, I've barely got it out of me.

It's. all. in. my. head.

Sometimes I feel like I'm maturing too fast for people.

Like my mind, whoo, it spins round and round.

I can't seem to find the same kind of values, direction or thoughts elsewhere, grasping the exact point I'm trying to get across, and yeah.

How am I suppose to be in a relationship?

It kinda worries me, not really in the exact sense of worrying.

But I do wonder. How am I gonna spend the rest of my life with someone that is capable of grasping the principles of love, life, and everything that falls in, within and out of it?

How? I ask my family every now and then.

People ask me to slow down, because my head is over-thinking.

Like my age, 18;

I'm supposed to be thinking about my education. the principles of my studies, the formulas, rules, analyzing skills, concepts, and all that for me to score the best possible mark my being allows. In my head should be boys of all kinds, abs, looks, the mere sweet talk and how 'nice' they can be to me temporarily. I'm supposed to be indulging in the most useless crap, fangirling. Letting my emotions take control of my state, being addicted to depression and self-pity, dwelling in a puddle of teenagery problems, concerning with immature stuff with the present or past, etc.

But no, I'm here thinking as if I'm in another realm.

Relationships do matter,

Feelings do matter,

Actions do matter,

Studies do matter,

Family matters, so do friends, etc.

Life, within life, beyond life, it all matters.

But do your mind occupy such thoughts?

Does it accommodate perceptions other than what should matter?

I'm getting side-tracked.

I see relationships, I've been in a few naive relationships myself.

And I can't comprehend why this happens.

You meet someone.

That someone happens to exceed a standard friend.

Like, okay.

Think of an ex, um, a past fling, whatever.

Try to Remember, well - if you are even capable of remembering now,

but try to remember how you felt at the beginning.

You know, when that person seemed so lovely, awesome, nice, everything you thought you'd like or want?

Yeah, that awesome person.

And you take that awesome person to an awesomer position;

let's say, the position of being your other half.

And soon after, or long after, things didn't work out.

Break up.

And your feeling gone cold, distant, perhaps vanished.

A negative feeling starts to creep on.

Life. love-life.

That's almost how it is.

People don't see how there's a HUGE problem with that concept.

Like no.

You don't take an awesome person into your life, to then turn him/her into a once-upon-a-time awesome person to me, and now, worse than a stranger.

It's horrifying, guys!

DO YOU GET WHERE I'M COMING FROM?

U N A C C E P T A B L E.

Like; At the early days of meeting the awesome other:

"Woah dude, she's hot." // "He seems like a nice guy"

"*sigh. She's so kind. She's like everything I'm looking for." // "He is so romantic, like he just knows what to say and do."

"I love you babe." // "No, I love you more babe <3 p="">

and when things don't work out, break up; and then:

"Meh." // "Whatever."

"She's actually a slut." // "He's such an asshole."

"I don't even care." // "I hate him so much!"

Now, I know it's sometimes 'uncontrollable.'.

Perhaps that person really did you wrong or whatever.

Either way, to prevent an awesome person from being one of the worse person to walk into your life, 

it takes a whole lot of consideration, contemplating and smart decisions!

Because no one can really predict what's going to happen exactly, don't chance it.

Means people need to start waking up to see that HEY, STOP FALLING.

The first few impressions are always something.

But the early days are not when you fall.

Because, you don't know the person.

And I think it takes more than just the amount of time knowing the person.

It's about the depth, throughout a time period.

Not a short period of knowing each other in depth, and thinking you know the person.

NO.

Yes, I know sometimes Chemistry is formed before hand.

*clear throat..

But that's where infatuation is more likely to take place, and you're blinded.

I believe that it is important to think ahead;

And it all starts with friendship.

And not being casual friends, realizing that person is awesome, repeat the heartbreaking process, and having that awesome person turn into a stranger/enemy.

No.

Friendship with a purpose, with genuineness, and the right kind of love.

I think that sets a great platform for a relationship ahead.

Wow.

like, I feel as if I haven't even gotten half my point across.

Like most my rants... hah

on another outlook,

You'll be seeing alot of relationship talk soon to come. Because it's literally been creeping onto me in many ways and principles, concepts,  thoughts, etc.

and if you happen to have read every single word of my rant(s), you've probably unlocked a  very inner part of me almost no one really got to fully comprehend.

nice to meet you,  oh and welcome.

bye x