Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Rant: He's godly, now what?

Before I start ranting on, let's answer What makes one godly?
To me, godliness is present when the love for God is evident. Loving God can come in different measures; but surely, it's more apparent than one's title (Like pastor, president, worship leader, cell group leader or head of ...), one's ministry, how one raises their hands in worship, how much one is willing to serve others, etc. I mean yes, your title, your ministry, your act of worship or your willingness to serve can all be a result or evidence of loving God. But surely, it isn't a measure of godliness.

Godliness is found in the overflowing, transparent and undeniable work of God through one's life. It's seeing the love of God overflow in one's life, one's heart and the way one relates to others. Godliness is seeing God work in, within, through and with the person. It's undoubtedly God, and you won't be able to miss it. Godliness is undeniable about one's character when all of him/her has been surrendered and renewed by God. It exhibits a change and difference that no one else can be held accountable or take credit for.


With that said, it's tough finding godly people.
I mean, yes, 'Christian' tends to be popular on the list of desired traits for Christians, but it isn't that difficult to find Christians. They're supposedly almost everywhere. Then there are others, like myself, where 'godly guy/girl' takes priority in the list.

I've come to realise the older I get, that there's a handful of godly men and women surrounding me. (Thank the Lord!). They've been an absolute blessing to me, in one way or the other. Shout out to my godly sisters especially *heart. 

This conversation of finding godly guys has emerged with some girl friends of mine; truth be told, we are able to spot god-loving men - yay! But somehow, it doesn't just end there.

I think for many, a godly guy or a godly girl is very much desirable, but we tend to dismiss the fact that it takes more than just a godly guy or girl.

Don't get me wrong, a godly person is surely attractive. But when we say 'where are all the godly men/women out there?', we actually mean 'where are all the godly men/women with other traits and add-ons out there?'

What I mean by that is it doesn't stop at godly.
Sometimes, many times actually, there are other things to consider.
Things like, chemistry, attraction/interest and compatibility. And those are only the basics.

Man, now that I think about it, finding love can both be hard and easy.
Hard in this case, because godly people don't tend to settle easily. They have high standards and tend to only pursue intentionally with one person. (Not complaining at all, I think that's great.). But that just means that it's kinda, well, very difficult. 

But back to the original question, say you do meet someone godly... now what?

1. Find a friend in him/her

I don't know about you, but finding consistent, genuine friends can be a bit of a challenge. Scratch that- finding one is easy; but maintaining a friendship with one is the hard part. When I decided to guard my heart, I took a lot of steps back and made changes to how I live my life. One being that I don't actually let the opposite gender into my life so closely. 

I definitely don't think it's wrong to have good friends of the opposite sex. I mean just a few years back, many of my companions were male and I confided in several close guy friends very intimately. My decision in taking a step back from being close to the opposite gender is because I know myself. 

Not too long ago, I had an incredibly great guy friend. We clicked really well and our friendship was really comfortable; we could talk about literally anything and everything, and it got to the point where the amount of time I invested in him caused even my family and friends to question our platonic friendship. Now you may be thinking 'people can think what they want, but if it's not like that, it doesn't matter what they think'. Well, it wasn't like that between us... but we were super close that I was so attached to him as a friend, I caught the feels. It got really confusing for me and it only hit me when I realized I had to tell him absolutely everything and relied on him emotionally and spiritually.

There were also other instances where I had close guy friends in the past who were confused about the blurred line that apparently exists between opposite gendered best friends. While I do think guys and girls can be best friends, there are stages of where that exists and where it starts to make everything all fuzzy. Even with guys I didn't see myself with, I have also questioned our friendship at some point.

However, there are some guys where I can truly see myself friends with now. They're not my best friends, nor are we super close. But they are guys who I enjoy having as plain friends. Not sure about you, but I'm the kind of person who becomes quieter or more mellow/shy when it comes to someone I have feelings for. So I tend to notice that when I fist pump/high five/approach a guy (making the first move in reaching out), I genuinely see that person as a (genuine) friend. Having said that, in terms of my behavior, for guys I am acquainted with, DON'T have an interest in or aren't that close to - they belong in the same category as guys I do have feelings for. I know, it seems strange but that's how I can tell when I find myself liking someone as just a friend.

*Wow, all that rant and I haven't even started on elaborating on my first point.

My point is, if you do find someone who could be a 'potential', your next step should be finding a friend in him or her. #notetoself.

As hard as it is for me to step out of my comfort zone to reach out to someone I could possibly have an interest in, I really won't know the person unless I get to know the person. And I don't mean go on a date to get to know the person. I mean is there a strong genuine friendship with that person, even without a relationship? Can you even have a friendship with someone without going on that first date?

It sounds like I'm giving an advice to you, but really, I'm reminding myself.

Many dream of falling in love with their best friend. But I don't think that's my dream. I mean, not all things work out so 'perfectly'. Some people may find an interest before they even become good friends and others truly do fall for their best friend. 

I think ideally, whatever situation you may be in (whether you're just acquaintances, plain friends, good friends or best friends), the best question to ask yourself is 'Can I find a friend in him/her?'

What does a friend look like to you?

*pssss, by friend, I mean the genuine kinda friend. Like that real, strong friendship kinda friend.

For example, with my friendship with Abigail (my best friend), we truly look out for one another and want the best for each other. We correct each other when necessary, we speak words of encouragement, we share our thoughts, feelings and dreams. We do life together and we are walking alongside the journey of growth - and that's such a great feeling.

I don't expect myself to find the exact kind of friend in a potential partner - especially before we even start dating. But some good questions to ask would be:

- If this guy/girl was of the same gender as me, would we be good friends?
- Can I truly be a friend to this person?
- Is this person a friend to me?

You may not be at that stage where you know if this person can be a friend to you yet, or vice versa, but perhaps as you do grow in relationship with one another, it's something good to keep in mind. Because in the long run, friendship is one of the best things a relationship can have.

If your partner is a friend, he/she would want the best for you. he/she would say things to build you up and encourage you. he/she would respect you. he/she would enjoy your company. he/she would treasure you as a friend in their life. he/she would continue to be a friend throughout.

Some of the loveliest marriages or relationships I've seen are those with couples who have a strong foundation as friends. I see the comfort a friendship brings, the security and care a good friend would extend, the humour and fun that friends enjoy and I see a kind of love that goes beyond lust, infatuation and short-term feelings.

Friendship in a relationship is displayed in an overwhelming care for someone for who they are, not who you want them to be in your life. It's accepting them and loving them unconditionally. It's having the joy and comfort of you being you and for him (or her) to be him (or her). 

So the next step?
Find a friendship in him or her.

"A friend loves at all times..."
- Proverbs 17:7a

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