Friday, April 25, 2014

Rant: unacceptable

Love is delirious.
It's absolutely crazy, silly, stupid.
It's addicting, irrational, and unreasonable.

But maybe this love I'm talking about, is just the product of what I think of love.
Perhaps it's just my experiences from love.
Maybe it's my observations from supposed love,
Or my attempts for love.

Maybe what I think love is, isn't actually love.
Maybe what we think love is, isn't it after all.

It occurred to me a few days ago, how foolish we label love.
In fact, it's absurd, what we've made of love.
A term, an expression, a feeling, an action, describable, yet indescribable.

Perhaps it's actually a simple definition, a plain meaning to it - but one that's enough, and does justice to love itself.

Love is cheap.
I could write it otherwise, and it'd be in another aspect and content.

But I'm here to write about what love was for me.
What a certain love was for me.

Like the cheap, small, adolescent, easy, immature  kinda love.

I think I've never been in love - no, a part of me would argue that I've been in love.
But the more I contemplate on it, the more I'm starting to doubt.

Love itself has been so twisted and changed to many forms, maybe we all don't really know what we're all on about.

And the more I look, see and feel, the more I observe it.

My generation doesn't know love.
I probably don't know how to love either.

It's funny because if you ask around, 98.9% of youths (well atleast in my life, I'm roughly estimating based on my own estimated figure so don't trust my stats) have probably claimed to be in love.

Like, love as in a relationship.
a fling. a boyfriend, a girlfriend. a feeling. an obsession. a crush. a thing.

Like when people say "oh, we have a thing."
(Something I probably have said/thought)

What the heck is a thing?!

The only one I know that doesn't come close to this stats, is my sister.
Esther, a special case she is indeed.

Apart from that, everyone seems to fall in the other category, one way or the other.
So technically, my stats should be 99.5%
But just to be safe, I'll stay with 98.9%.

Maybe it's just me, but I find it ridiculous to fall in love.
No, wait, you probably get me wrong.
I find it absurd how we, as human beings, fall and transit.

As much as I admire and adore high school relationships,
I probably scoff at relationships my age secretly.

Let me try to explain further.
By my admiration of high-school couples, I mean to say high-school sweethearts;
Like first loves, those that start off at school together, coming out into marriage, and still going strong.
I. applaud.
I, absolutely, undoubtedly, admire.
*clap. clap.
Can we, like, meet, and take a photo?

Seriously, whenever I meet one of these couples in person, hearing their story, I'm with complete awe in my eyes.. like, so, wow. How do you do it?

Admirable. Absolutely.

Unfortunately, it's almost hard to be that.
No wonder they're worth the value of being admired.

When i look at the relationships formed around me, or near to me, I..
how do I say this? I - nothing. Like literally, what's there to expect of relationships my age around me?

A complete an utter joke.
We go in and out of relationships.
It's absolutely ridiculous and silly;
Because pretty much, we take what seems to be the best and most appropriate candidate for us at the time being, let that person take up the position of being the other half, only to know when things don't work out, they become this unreasonable stranger and somehow the love-hate thing starts to form.

Like in majority of the relationships, love-hate.
Since when do hate go in pair with love?
I've heard how most people make marriage seem to be a love-hate thing.
Like "Oh, we love-hate each other."

Um, no.
Love doesn't go hand-in-hand with hate.
Like wow, can you not?


This gets to me.
If you think I'm ranting now, I've barely got it out of me.
It's. all. in. my. head.

Sometimes I feel like I'm maturing too fast for people.
Like my mind, whoo, it spins round and round.
I can't seem to find the same kind of values, direction or thoughts elsewhere, grasping the exact point I'm trying to get across, and yeah.

How am I suppose to be in a relationship?

It kinda worries me, not really in the exact sense of worrying.
But I do wonder. How am I gonna spend the rest of my life with someone that is capable of grasping the principles of love, life, and everything that falls in, within and out of it?

How? I ask my family every now and then.

People ask me to slow down, because my head is over-thinking.

Like my age, 18;
I'm supposed to be thinking about my education. the principles of my studies, the formulas, rules, analyzing skills, concepts, and all that for me to score the best possible mark my being allows. In my head should be boys of all kinds, abs, looks, the mere sweet talk and how 'nice' they can be to me temporarily. I'm supposed to be indulging in the most useless crap, fangirling. Letting my emotions take control of my state, being addicted to depression and self-pity, dwelling in a puddle of teenagery problems, concerning with immature stuff with the present or past, etc.

But no, I'm here thinking as if I'm in another realm.

Relationships do matter,
Feelings do matter,
Actions do matter,
Studies do matter,
Family matters, so do friends, etc.
Life, within life, beyond life, it all matters.

But do your mind occupy such thoughts?
Does it accommodate perceptions other than what should matter?

I'm getting side-tracked.

I see relationships, I've been in a few naive relationships myself.

And I can't comprehend why this happens.

You meet someone.
That someone happens to exceed a standard friend.
Like, okay.
Think of an ex, um, a past fling, whatever.
Try to Remember, well - if you are even capable of remembering now,
but try to remember how you felt at the beginning.
You know, when that person seemed so lovely, awesome, nice, everything you thought you'd like or want?

Yeah, that awesome person.
And you take that awesome person to an awesomer position;
let's say, the position of being your other half.
And soon after, or long after, things didn't work out.

Break up.
And your feeling gone cold, distant, perhaps vanished.
A negative feeling starts to creep on.

Life. love-life.

That's almost how it is.
People don't see how there's a HUGE problem with that concept.
Like no.
You don't take an awesome person into your life, to then turn him/her into a once-upon-a-time awesome person to me, and now, worse than a stranger.

It's horrifying, guys!
U N A C C E P T A B L E.

Like; At the early days of meeting the awesome other:

"Woah dude, she's hot." // "He seems like a nice guy"
"*sigh. She's so kind. She's like everything I'm looking for." // "He is so romantic, like he just knows what to say and do."
"I love you babe." // "No, I love you more babe <3 p="">

and when things don't work out, break up; and then:

"Meh." // "Whatever."
"She's actually a slut." // "He's such an asshole."
"I don't even care." // "I hate him so much!"

Now, I know it's sometimes 'uncontrollable.'.
Perhaps that person really did you wrong or whatever.
Either way, to prevent an awesome person from being one of the worse person to walk into your life, 
it takes a whole lot of consideration, contemplating and smart decisions!

Because no one can really predict what's going to happen exactly, don't chance it.
Means people need to start waking up to see that HEY, STOP FALLING.

The first few impressions are always something.
But the early days are not when you fall.
Because, you don't know the person.

And I think it takes more than just the amount of time knowing the person.
It's about the depth, throughout a time period.
Not a short period of knowing each other in depth, and thinking you know the person.

Yes, I know sometimes Chemistry is formed before hand.
*clear throat..
But that's where infatuation is more likely to take place, and you're blinded.

I believe that it is important to think ahead;
And it all starts with friendship.
And not being casual friends, realizing that person is awesome, repeat the heartbreaking process, and having that awesome person turn into a stranger/enemy.

Friendship with a purpose, with genuineness, and the right kind of love.
I think that sets a great platform for a relationship ahead.

like, I feel as if I haven't even gotten half my point across.

Like most my rants... hah

on another outlook,
You'll be seeing alot of relationship talk soon to come. Because it's literally been creeping onto me in many ways and principles, concepts,  thoughts, etc.

and if you happen to have read every single word of my rant(s), you've probably unlocked a  very inner part of me almost no one really got to fully comprehend.

nice to meet you,  oh and welcome.

bye x

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