Thursday, January 15, 2015

Qualities of a friend

Hey there!

So today's rant will be on "QUALITIES OF A FRIEND".

Speaking of friend, my very good friend (and like-brother) made a blog!
Nathanael Hsieh is his name, and he was one of the first friends I made when I came back.
His blog is a personal blog, but I'm very impressed with how fast he designed his layout, widgets, gadgets and all! Impressive huh? Minimalist designs are always so nice :D
AAAAAND, he blogs often too!

I put a lot of thought into what I think are qualities that should be in a friend.
I personally don't consider many as friends.. but rather, I have more good close friends.
For me, these are the different stages of friendships. (Which I may blog about someday)

Brief Acquaintances
High Acquaintances
Family Friends
More than Friends
Good Friends
Best Friends

Lol yeah, my mindset is pretty complicated.

I know that there are different 'expectations' for different sectors of friendship;
for eg. You'd expect more from a good friend compared to a friend. And much more from a best friend than a good friend.

In today's rant, I won't focus so much on the qualities of just friends.
I'm gonna talk about Qualities of a good friendship
(Regardless of which stage you're in: friend//good friend//best friend)

*Bear in mind that this is completely my perspective & you may think otherwise.

What should it take to be a friend?

In my opinion, these:

1. Respect

I used to be in friendships where as best friends or good friends, we'd call each other 'bitch', 'sluts', 'whore' and such. At the time of course, I didn't mind. As when used in that context at the time with such a friendship, it would be okay. In fact, we'd respond with a laugh or somewhat alike title.

Maybe it's the fact I changed over time, but I really am not attracted to negativity, swear words and vulgarness. Not that I'm all 'angelic' but I'm more of realistic. To me, I don't see the 'thought' of those words. (You know when people say "it's the thought that counts"). Yeah, no, I'm sure the thought of calling me slut = my bestest friend for life doesn't make any sense.

I don't see the fact that being able to call each other 'faggot' or 'hoebag' or 'idiot' gives the idea that we are close. That's practically stupid. It shows the lack of ability to speak properly and to show proper and genuine affection.

But I admit I used to be guilty of that, and if I have used such a context in our friendship, I truly apologise.

For me (my sister, Esther & people who are similar to us), respect is absolutely important!
Especially in this context of name-calling.
Being a friend - or even a best friend for that matter, doesn't give you the right to make this acceptable.

Likewise respect goes hand in hand with jokes.
I've experienced and even witnessed friendship with jokes that are offensive and hurtful.
You know, those love-hate friendships?
Throw a hurtful joke at them and say "I was only joking" doesn't make you a good friend.
In fact, it doesn't make you a friend. AT ALL.

I think many people need to really consider these things; It's not just amongst friends, but even within family. It's never okay to call people names like such.

2. Good mutual communication

Communication is key.
Now, communication isn't only talking.
For many, the word communication draws up a picture like this:

Two people talking

And yes, although talking plays a huge part in communication..
Listening, Understanding and Engaging is also included for good mutual communication.
In fact, good mutual communication makes up a lot of friend chemistry.

Good mutual communication is something I see that has to remain going throughout a good friendship. It's something that comes naturally, and only gets better with more of it.

It's after eight years of friendship, the communication is not exactly perfected, but it's what keeps the heart connected. You're able to connect.

You'd be surprise, but having good mutual communication isn't found often. It's not just being able to extend a conversation or being able to talk for quite some time. It's having heart to heart conversations that leave you questioning life, those that make your emotions feel energised, it's one that helps you relate and examine your values.

That's what it means to really connect.
When conversations are soul-deep.

3. Reasonable amount of effort

I'll make it short and simple.

Having the ability to maintain the friendship, keep in touch and show affection.

Maybe it's not so reasonable after all.

But you need to not just look for me when you need me.
To be a good friend is to show concern for my life, my well-being.

4. Comfortability

Being able to be myself comfortably is very important to me.
With some people, the comfort comes naturally. I don't even have to try.
Like my 'brother', Nath, so comfortable that he became like a bro.

Being comfortable will also mean being transparent and open.

5. Support

This is very necessary to me.
I can be open to you, but if I don't get the support I need, we probably won't be really close friends.
Emotional support in friendship is probably the most important.

It's so nice to have a friend who is able to lift your spirits up when you're down, to guide you on the right path and just encourage you.

6. Appreciation

Last but not least, appreciation.
That's like all 5 love languages.
Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Time, Acts of Service and Touch.

Just to show appreciation for how thankful you are that we are friends means a lot to me.
Thankfully, most of my good friends do show that.
I'm completely a word person. So letters/cards/long texts mean so much to me.

Little gifts (or big), anything to just make me feel like you put the extra effort will melt my heart.


So yeah, that's six qualities a good friendship needs - to me :)

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