Saturday, May 10, 2014

Rant: potential candidate

Hey! It's a Saturday night, but I thought I'd let out a short rant.

So today at supper, a friend of mine, Jess, we were having a conversation on random topics.
Somehow we got on with relationships (lol typical).
It started off with how a girl claimed that she should date Matthew, a friend of ours - who was there aswell. And also another girl friend of ours, thought that she and this other mutual guy friend of ours (who will not be named just in case) would be great together. LOL girls.

And then soon enough, How Uei, Matthew, Jess and I got into this conversation;
Pretty much, what wandered in my mind tonight was this:

The first stage of getting to know someone can really differ with the present stage of knowing someone.

So Matthew was stating how people would usually think he's potentially their type/a potential candidate to like or date initially, but once they get to know him, it's like... lol nah (not in these exact words, but somewhere along these lines). And then Jess was like "omg YES. Matt and I, never." , and I, well, I had to second that. haha. I mean meeting Matt at first impression, I thought he was pretty damn cute.

And then it just.. well, he's just matt.

Which brings me back to turning things the other way;
I then brought up how I've been reading some of our old messages, which I found amusing.
Like at the beginning - early phases of our friendship at least, he said something like how he would date me if I was his age because I'm blahblahblah, etc.

And to me, it's hilarious.
I then went on to scan some other old messages, and it's pretty similar one way or the other.
The way guys think of me initially, the way they approach me, and what their intentions were, etc.

There was once when I first came back here,
I met this guy at school, well not yet then; I won't mention his name, because that's unnecessary.
But he added me on FB shortly after, and this was what he said to me after a brief greeting:
"So, when are you gonna ask for my number?"
And I was seriously like lol wut. I don't want your number. If you want mine, you could just ask.

LOL, that was one awkward friendship we had. But we're friends now, which is funny.
I love bringing things like these back to haunt my guy friends.
They give me this embarrassed smile and be like "Uh no, I don't really remember."
But I do! FB messages never lie buddy. huehuehue.

HAHA So I'll be pretty straight up. A handful of guys that I meet, at the beginning, they seem to think like I'm idk, attractive in one way or the other? Or shall I say the 'potential candidate'?

I mean come on, we all have that, don't we?
The potential candidate;
It's like meeting someone decently attractive for the first few times, and then thinking "hmmm I wanna get to know this person more." Yaknow, those that seem like everything you thought you wanted at the start. Where infatuation pretty much takes control of it all, and that person just seem pretty damn amazing.

And then, it crashes.
Once they open their mouth, it's like ah.. no.
Or you realize that the person isn't actually what you were looking for,
or things just don't seem so right anymore.

I realized that it's so hard, to take yourself out from that phase of thinking of someone as a potential candidate. Truth be told, I have one in mind. But I'm a bit unsure.

From tonight's conversation, I've come to realize how important it is to really get to know the person before thinking of them as someone you would potentially share your heart with. I mean, it is a pretty big deal.
But most of the time, that doesn't happen.

Because everyone in that 'potential' zone, puts on a mask.
They become someone they think the other person deserves.
It's like trying to mirror what you see, only to know that the facade eventually will be revealed.

And so the best thing to do, for me at least, is:

1. To guard my heart

I think that's pretty tough for me. I don't fall for many. No, I don't fall for most.
I've gotten so used to the small talk, sweet talks, etc, that these amateur actions don't fascinate me anymore.
I'm looking for something deeper, something more worthwhile, purposeful and God-centered.
However, there are times where my mind gets all stirred up, that my heart follows.

2. To start developing a friendship-based relationship

I think this is absolutely crucial and challenging. It kinda contradicts itself, because somehow very good friends seem to link up with the friend zone. Honestly, I personally don't think I have a friend zone. Even if I do, I'm clearly aware it's easy to break out of it. 

Somehow though, I can't really see myself being really good friends with my 'potential candidate'. I know, not good Chelsea! But I can't help it, I can't just treat this person as a friend.

I think that's when it gets kinda well, not on the best path. According to Joshua Harris, a relationship that starts off from a friendship first, is always rewarding. And, I couldn't agree more!
And by friends, I don't just mean the hi-bye kinda friends.

I literally mean the kind of friendship with genuine care.
You really want the best for the other person.
Regardless of anything, you really truly care about the other person's well being.
That include physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc.
And friendship, a good one at least, has to be selfless.

So for me, instead of aiming for getting somewhere with the 'potential candidate', is to be a good friend to Him. It's to love him as a brother in Christ, knowing that everything - my actions, our relations or whatever, will be beneficial to his well being, rather than the other way round.

And by focusing on   f r i e n d s h i p,
I can envision the trust that comes with it, the feeling of being comfortable, laughter, honesty, the experiences of growing together, of relating, of compromising, all within the benefits of friendship.

It's a pretty thought.
I'd really like a relationship based on a good friendship.

Well, until then,

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