End of last week-early this week has been quite a rough one for me; as you could probably tell in my last 2 posts.. then the posts stopped. So what happened? Well, this happened:
Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV)
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Crazy, huh? A verse changed my whole roller-coaster of a mood? Well, not just a verse.
I had to choose to set my mind on things that are true, honourable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. So I just chose to move forward and think good things. So here I am.
And here is a good place. Here is a fresh start, here is a brighter and more joyous place.
I'm doing better than okay.
With that, there are many things I want to do. Here are 10 of them:
1. I want to do some exercise every single day.
It can be taking a 30min walk from a further stop, some simple stretches with awkward body twists/movements, an attractive online work out or even a good 15mins HIIT run. Or even a (secret) crazy dance session. But I want to do something daily.
2. I want to attend all my classes & be at least 5 minutes early.
This week was the first week back at uni, and let's just say I skipped 3 already. Yeah, not good. Okay fine, so I was sick - but still! It's a terrible habit of mine and I'm always late for class :C But not anymore, starting next week, I will try my best to be not just on time, but at least 5 minutes early. Oh, and attend all my classes unless I'm feeling unwell.
3. I want to stop comparing, and start caring.
Can I share with you a nasty secret? Every time someone else is called 'pretty', something nasty inside of me starts to feel a bit.. bad? It doesn't show, but I feel it. I start to feel the insecurities creeping up, the unintentional ill feelings/thoughts that create a hole that is deep and dark.. I want to stop comparing myself to someone else. I want to care for things that do matter: like one's heart, well-being, life and surrounding. Without neglecting my own, but caring for others more than I would for myself.
4.I want to be (more) grateful.
Here's another troubling thought I had recently. My dad booked my flight back to Malaysia for me recently. And it's via AirAsia. *dum dum dum dum. Maybe I'm spoilt, lack gratefulness or am just conceited, but I haven't sat AirAsia in awhile, expected/desired something more and I just really hate leather seats!! I caught myself at such a bad thought, because I should be grateful that I have the opportunity to fly back to see my family. Like so many people don't even get that chance to? And here I am, complaining I have flights back stuck with leather seats (yuck). I need to and I want to be more grateful. For the little and the much.
5. I want to experience 'impossible' things
They say being a Christian means living everyday like an adventure. Every single day, we should be expecting something great. God's greatness. A miracle. A revelation. But more often than not, we as Christians don't. What's the problem? I don't know, because I'm one of those Christians. I don't experience His greatness everyday, nor have I witnessed a miracle in my life or a life-changing revelation. I think it's me though, not God. I'm too caught up with sleeping, going to university, seeing my friends, making small talk with my flatmates, cooking/eating, playing tetris and listening to random music while I commute, that I don't stop to experience God. I barely give him 30mins full concentration every. single. day. Heck, I barely give him my full 15mins daily. Also, I don't ask for miracles. I think my mundane is comfortable and you know, my usual. But I don't want my usual anymore! I want the crazy, God-filled, WOW kinda Christian life. I want to stop praying for small prayers that limits God because I'm trying to 'protect my image of Him'. I want to push the boundaries of my faith, let it jump off an invisible cliff and soar in His sovereignty and captivating spirit.
6. I want to give my best in my studies
Last semester, I got straight Bs. Many people think that's pretty 'good'. Maybe it's an automatic consolation or they truly think it's good. If it's the latter, maybe people should strive for this goal too. If it's the previous, then maybe people should be more honest. It's my worst grade since I started succeeding in my academics back in 2013. It's not bad, considering I skipped many classes, didn't give my best and barely studied effectively for my exams. Horrible, I know, but apparently not too bad. Now, if I knew I gave it my all and the best I could, and got Cs, I wouldn't be as disappointed as I would about myself. Okay, who am I kidding, Cs are terrible! I'd maybe shed a tear. But maybe just one or two. Point is: It's my attitude in this, not just the results.
7. I want to serve.
I'm currently contemplating on applying for committee for OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship). OCF is a Christian uni' club I go to weekly and am quite active in. I currently co-lead a bible study group and it's my 2nd semester leading! There are 2 positions I'm praying about applying, but yet I'm quite hesitant. If I get into committee, I will be in it for about a year. I think I'm being selfish though. I don't want to give too much. I think there's a possibility I'd fail. I'm scared I will get cold feet after committing. And all these random bunch of selfish reasons. But you know what? I want to serve. I want to give especially my next (and last) 1 year of my covenant to serve in OCF (if it's God's will) without distraction and just love on the people around me. I also want to serve in my church, maybe as a service host or in kids' ministry, hm.
8. I want to appreciate my family & friends.
I'm quite my mum's girl. I skype my mum a whole lot. But recently, I haven't been speaking to my parents as often as I usually would. Sometimes, I do think about today being my last day, and whenever I do, my family comes to mind first. I'd hate to have regrets if anything were to happen, and I would like to use my everyday to appreciate my family more. Message them daily, tell them I love them, actually appreciate them from the bottom of my heart, set aside time to talk to them, etc. Sometimes I also take for granted my friends. I think we have like the next few months/years to go. Even worse (imo), I think I'll be seeing them tomorrow or next week. But really, nothing should be taken for granted. If I have the opportunity to speak blessings and love to them, I really should. And I will.
9. I want to develop a prayerful life.
I tend to pray when I want something. #human nature. I also pray when I feel deeply. But I don't want prayer to be just when I feel like it. I want prayer to be also when I don't feel like it. I want my prayers to be deep, powerful, intimate, strong, short & long and life-changing.
10. I want to encounter God & bring His presence to everybody!
You know that person you sit to on the bus, or that person you just met? I feel like those people are people placed in our lives for no apparent reason, but yet, with very special reasons. Reasons that can be opportunities. I always hear interesting stories of strangers talking and all, and I would really like to do that. I want to carry a Jesus culture within me everywhere I go, whenever and with whoever. I want to experience God so deeply and greatly, that it's contagious. Even more contagious than the cold that's been around and even better than the best meal I could ever dream of having. I mean imagine eating THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER TASTED, I don't think you would keep it to yourself. It's like that, just more and better. Or even more relatable, discovering the cure to something so dark, miserable and life-consuming, imagine that! How could you keep the best cure to yourself, when there are so many broken people around you?
And there's that! Oh. A bonus one: 11. I want to blog more.