Mad

I wake up slightly bright,
only to have the mornings come crashing by little stupid things.
Angry, Grumpy, Pissed Off - I don't have anything more to say.

More time wasted, no efforts in it.
Physically weak, emotionally unstable and spiritually cold.
I shut myself down.

I don't need anyone's comfort, I don't want to see your sight.
My emotions; like a roller coaster on a slow speed..
I just want to be alone.

Speak to Him. Read His word.
In my head, does it sound like a duty or is it a desire?
I dismiss the thought, whatever it is.
I don't want to sing, I don't want to read, I don't want to talk.

An upside down smile plastered on my face.
Minutes, hours and time go by.
I wish it went faster.
I just want to get out, but yet, I don't want to move.

Sleep.
It's like a temporary coma, an effective shut down system.
So I put myself through it, for another hour to go pass.

I awake to an unproductive and mundane routine.
The laziest and sloppiest of them all;
Indulging in the wants of my flesh..
all the things I planned to get off.

My heart is so cold, so uncompassionate.
My words are minimum, my replies are brief.

So sensitive, I could just burst anytime now.

What do I do?
Do I talk of my emotions?

But I don't want to, I don't need to.
Not now at least, what's the damage that can be done?

My questions look silly to me.
The 'angel' in me know all the right things I can do.
'You should...' - But no, I just mute the sound.

I shrug and do what I wanna do.

Perhaps I'm mad - at little things, yes.
But maybe I'm just mad at myself.