Thursday, November 7, 2013

Love will remember

It's not fair.
You can't. You shouldn't have.
Don't bring my hopes up like that.

It's unfair to come back now.
It's unfair to come back and leave.
It's unfair to even think of coming back.

Because now I'm left at square one.
I'm back at where you last left me.
And I thought I was able to leave.

Then you decide to show up.
Tell me, how can you expect me to not expect?

Left me with unresolved feelings.
You can't face me, now we're at mixed feelings. Are we even on the same page?

I'd let time take pain away again,
But I guess I'm still left scarred,
Or probably still wounded.

Because it still hurts.
And I thought I was okay.
Stronger, yes, better, definitely.
But I still hurt.

What if now is all I've got?
What if now is all we have to heal the wound?
Before next time turns to a little too late, maybe we should mend it..

Then again, what's there left to fix?
Haven't we left everything?
There's nothing much to say,
Nothing really to feel.

Maybe what was ours was never ours.
Maybe absence is better.
Maybe ignorance is better.
Maybe everything left unsaid is better.
But then again, that's just maybe.
Maybe maybe isn't better at all.

Letting go is never easy,
Moving on is only temporary.
Absence is dragging,
Presence is torture.
Silence is killing.
A mind full is straining.

Wanting but not trying.
Thinking but not living.
Loving but not saying.

A flashback of that night,
Teary eyes with a heavy heart.
Hard words, uncomfortable silence.
What were you thinking?
what were you feeling?

Dressed In blue, felt a little like that too.
Cold feelings, lingering hands.
Confused thoughts, unready heart.
Blurred emotions, a deep gap between us. 

Maybe the rainy night complemented the scene. Hours, yet it wasn't enough.

I wish my mind remembered all the words.
I wish my mind still remembered your face.

What a stranger.
Blank you.
Held me vulnerable,
Almost unknowingly.

Like a dream in reality.
Such a different feeling.
Love, ha, and I thought I knew how it felt.
I didn't, until I met you.

They said you changed,
When we met.
Then they say,
you changed; again.

I thought I was the same,
But with you it was always different.
So reliant, vulnerable in a way,
Dependent, lost in a daze.

So right, but yet so wrong in many ways.

Changed for the better,
I see myself clearer.
Learning, growing and living;
Living without you.

Having said that,
Perhaps having you in my life previously, I became me.

I learned alot.
Maybe the both of us have.

I don't think I would've loved more than I would now.
I understand myself and see things differently now. I grew to see my surroundings without you.
I lived awhile without you.

And so thanks to you;
For making me fall in love,
With you here.
And having to fall in love with this place,
Without you.

Here's to you;
For everything left unsaid.

Love isn't love until you experience pain.
And things shouldn't be kept.
You weren't being selfish,
You did it for me.

And maybe neither of us would've understood.
I wished many times to have loved better.
And you wished to be better.

So strange, you gave so much,
To then walk away.

And they say,
we shouldn't have started in the first place,
if we knew this was how it was going to end.

The thing is, we didn't.
Started off so innocently, so fast.
Grew thinking it'd last, but it ran pass.
Ended without a proper reason, left for a season.

I want to say,
I've tried to the point of not trying.
So maybe if we were to reconcile,
I hope we'll keep a close distance.

I don't know when the feeling will drift,
I don't know exactly how to get rid of this.
I don't really know what else is there to say.
But they say time will prove itself.
So there's that.

Go back to last November,
and return here.

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