Knowing

Father,

How do I describe how I feel?
How do I describe you? For even the most marvelous words cannot define your glory.

You are merciful,  and my heart is relieved; but yet I take advantage of the goodness of my God.

You are faithful,  and my heart give thanks, for none is like you. And indeed,  I serve a mighty God.

Help me to trust you with all my heart.  Give me faith that overflows,  accompanied with a grateful heart despite my trials.

To consider such pain is disabled;  rebuke me, for my heart is weak.

When will I learn, when will I start? Seems so near,  and yet so far.

Lost; but I sense you.
Untouched;  but I feel you.

For where I am today is because of you. Who I am is according to your favour.

And I will continue to rejoice in you, for you are great.

You hold the beat of my heart in your hands, and yet, you long for me.

You go through pain to save my soul; with humbleness you come to me, your gentle and peaceful spirit comforts me.

I rejoice in you. There is really none like you. And that's why you place the highest honour.  Thank you, my god, my king,  for everything.

" ..shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?  " - job 2:10a

In all truth, lately I've let the daily aspects of my life slip before my very eyes. When I say I've been so slack, I really have been.

I don't study, and I haven't studied ever since my last exam ended.

Now,  that may seem normal; and I may seem cray. But come on chels, it's okay. besides,  it's the holidays.

So yes, for that reason, I may understand. But I've been slack in my devotions.

And for the past two weeks, I've let a day or two pass, or giving a few minutes of my midnight to read word for today or daily calendar verse thingys. And that is not good.

I've been feeling pretty crap. I feel bad. And I wonder, why do I feel bad for missing my devotions, or not spending enough time in ratio to the other things I do.

But I don't change.
I say ill pick myself up tomorrow,  but I seem to take it slower than planned.

And progress is something,  but this should be more than progress. It's lifestyle.  It's relationship.  It's essential.  It's spiritual food. It's a must.

So tonight,  I was about to give my day a pass, considering it was around 1.30am when I entered my room; but I figured,  I'd at least write in my journal. And from there, I did the little things like word for today and daily calendar verses. And finally,  the bible.

Im currently reading job ; today, job chapter 2. And he is a man that God seems to admire greatly. Greatly enough to be favoured and boasted to the satan.

Job however, gets tested by all these overwhelming trials. I mean his trials aren't baby trials, they're freaking massive giants!

In chapter 1, he losses his kids, flocks,  possessions;  wealth, etc. And he has TONS of them.  Like many kids,  animals,  and so on. In chapter 2, his health is being tested.  I mean wow, this man is so admired that he will be tested in anything and everything; just on one condition,  that his life is spared.

And I cannot imagine;  to be in Job's position.  Not only does he face these horrible circumstances,  he has great faith and a strong heart towards his God. That, I absolutely admire.

Even though im only at chapter two; he's lost a great amount, and yet, he hasn't cursed God,  nor has he sinned with his mouth.

So my diary writing was inspired based on my recent situation and astounding book of Job.

It is easy to give thanks when god has blessed you abundantly;  but if God takes them back, will you turn your heart on him? Will your words be left cold and meaningless?

It's a thought worth considering.