Friday, August 30, 2013

Rant: Self acceptance - Part 2

Accepting your beauty

beauty-comes-in-all-shapes.jpg (960×590)

Yes, the photo doesn't look appealing.
It's a cartoon picture of 10 girls in their undergarments.
Their bodies don't seem to be 'ideal', the purple and black lines are not to my preference,
and once again, they look like, well, cartoons.
I typed 'beauty' on weheartit and tumblr,
but with the vast choices of what seems to come out for beauty,
I can't seem to pick one picture for the exact word.

**** OKAY.
So don't say I didn't warn you,
but this is gonna be a super long post.
So to contribute to this long post, I'm gonna post like quite a bunch of selfie photos.
enjoy. don't stare into my soul for too long, I get self-conscious after awhile.

Shall we begin?

This was me in Singapore, late July, 2012
I've been procrastinating, postponing and delaying this post for about more than a year now.
My last post (Self Acceptance - Part 1 : Accepting your flaws and imperfections) was posted in early August, 2012.
The responses I received from that post was definitely encouraging.
So thankyou, to those who gave me supportive feedback.
I was happy with how I got to share my insights on my personal story of beauty itself,
and more than happy to hear from the girls who were encouraged by it.

This was on the 1.1.2013
However, being honest, I procrastinated a whole lot in attempting to write the second post,
that is, this post. The reason for this is because the objective of this post was to show my insights of self acceptance on beauty. Whereas, my first post was accepting flaws and imperfections.
Although there is the contrast between the two, you'd be surprised to see how much they connect.

This was on mother's day, 2013

Until this day, I'm still in the process of fully accepting my flaws and imperfections.
And following that, I believe accepting your beauty comes in a package.

Coincidentally, this is probably a good time for me to write this post,
because currently, I'm in the midst of both accepting my flaws and beauty.
Physically, I am going through a phase of the worst skin I've ever had.
My whole life, I don't think I've had skin this bad.
I'm not sure if it's my sudden cleansing juice diet, time of the month, stress or just wrong timing,
but it seems to be all the above.
And I mean my skin is not like reaaaaaaaaally horrific, but it's the worse I've had.
And no, I can't just 'cover' them with makeup,
because once again, co-incidentally, I am fasting on no-skin-makeup.
Great timing huh. haha.

So that's one physical challenge I'm facing.

This was early April, 2013

So accepting your beauty.
accepting my beauty.

This was the end of 2011

How does it all relate?
Well, it's said and seen that everyone seems to have their own set of flaws and imperfections.
Which means at some phase, everyone would or have been through insecurity.
But at the same time, have you gone through something like this;

"You're so pretty."
"ew no. I'm like ugly."

This was in early July? haha 2013

Yeaaaaaa, well that seems to be like most girls.
And some would debate it's an attention-seeking thing,
others would see it as humility or insecurity.
Maybe it's a bit of all.

I stopped that awhile ago,
even though I may not believe the compliments I receive 100%,
I use the polite response of saying "awwww thanks" or jokingly flip my hair to lighten the mood.
Which if you've given me some sort of compliment, you'd probably know.

This was probably in December, 2012

The topic of accepting my beauty only occured to me about a year ago,
when I moved back here.
Back in New Zealand, I dealt with accepting my imperfections.
And even though I'm still currently battling with that,
I entered a new phase of accepting my beauty.

This was probably in August, 2012

When I moved back here,
I received attention, flattery and admiration from several people.
It's either I suddenly grew up, the people here are just really nice or I'm simply pretty.

This was me probably like last month. haha

Ofcourse, being honest, I enjoyed all the compliments and adoration.
And I always remember to divert it back to God.
I thank him for being faithful, for making me the way I am,
and most importantly, I thank him for the favour which he has blessed me with.

This was me on the 9th of June, 2013.

Not like I'm a saint or anything, haha. but maybe it's an automatic guilt trigger thing.
Where when I receive something good, that being adoration, recognition or reputation;
Automatically, the inner being of me thinks I deserve it, that maybe I'm actually that good.
But something in me never fails to remind me,
that it's not by my 'good' or my strength, or by my anything.
But by God's favour, unfailing love and abundant grace,
that that is where my true identity lies.
And I guess, that's why I never fail to thank God.
Because I truly, honestly believe that it's his favour;

As the memory verse says,
"In all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who has been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

But accepting your beauty,
truly, genuinely, accepting your beauty.

Truth be told, I haven't quite figured that out.
In this world where compliments are given freely,
how and why should I accept it?
how can I differ it from what is true or false?

This was probably in January, 2013.

As I'm writing this post, I don't have the exact answer.
And maybe that's why it's a rant, because as I write,
I discover answers or my own perceptions which I never really knew I believed.

I think the question we - or I, should ask myself,
is how do I want to see myself accepting my beauty?
Because there are many possible replies to that.

On my birthday, this year.
I'd like accepting my beauty to be me seeing myself as what I think my beauty seems to be worth.
I would want accepting my beauty to be genuinely grateful for the compliments I receive.
I want accepting my beauty to be open arms accepting it, instead of denial.
I want to accept my beauty without discouraging myself.
I want to accept my beauty without feeding my pride.

I want all of you to accept your beauty like how I would want to.

But maybe, that's not all to it.

Maybe accepting your beauty means to see your self worth in your identity in Christ.
To fully understand what genuine beauty is, and that God created that beauty in every one of us.

Around December, 2011

This is mostly directed to you girls;
I'm currently reading a book called "Captivating" - it's for women.
I haven't progressed far, but I picked up something in the book which clung on to me.

End of 2012
Yes, Eve. The mother of all mothers. The mother of all of us.
The first woman to be created by God.
I never gave much thought to her.
Having read Genesis a couple of times,
coming across the story of Adam and Eve as a kid throughout my life,
I saw Eve as the woman who fell, who sinned, who gave her husband that forbidden fruit to eat.

June, 2012
Have you thought of how Eve may have looked like?
And how beautiful, how captivating she was?
THE first woman on earth, the first female masterpiece.

Before God created the earth, it was empty. 
Then He created the waters, land, the universe, everything that lies above, beaneath, between,
the creatures that soar in the sky, roam on earth and linger in the sea.
And finally, he formed his great work, Adam.
A man in his image, glorious, I'd think.

Everything was magnificent. Everything seems to be almost complete.
But then God saw that something was not right.
He sensed that something was not good.
He knew that something was missing.

Early April, when I had my haircut :3 
That something was Eve.

Forming a woman from Adam,
that became his final touch.
His masterpiece.
His ultimate creation to complete Adam.
And she was breathtaking.
She was captivating.
She was definitely beautiful.

July, 2012
I never imagined Eve to be that, never.
But she was. She was made in God's image.
The both of them, together, to glorify God himself.

Have you thought of how jealous and envious Lucifer would've been?
The angel who was supposedly the most beautiful and glorious angel;
The self seeking devil, wanting glory for himself, triggered all this?
Knowing how beautiful God created women to be,
he distorted the true meaning of beauty.
He manipulated and twisted it to be everything but godly.

Imagine that.

This was probably in 2011
Beauty, is a big part of God.
Look at his creation, the universe, our surroundings, people.
They're all beautiful.
And amongst all that,
he chose women to represent his beauty.
To possess captivating beauty in his likeness.
To draw men as part of how he created things to be.

Beauty is captivating.
And we all own that.

A subject like such, so broad, I could go on forever, and yet unable to comprehend it altogether.

My post isn't the answer to your inability to accept your beauty.
Beauty is something I'm incapable of understanding completely.
It's such an important aspect in society, in our mindset, and in God's being.
Ultimately, beauty is divinely beyond our understanding.

I know for one that beauty lies in all of us,
but not everyone sees it.
Because beauty has been distorted.
So no, we can't please everyone.
And that shouldn't be anyone's goal.

I was at youth a week ago, in the midst of a bunch of us girls from my cell.
As I was looking at each one of them,
I was amazed at how they all hold such a unique and distinct beauty.
Though, their skin colours ranged from fair, olive to dark;
their eyes, small, round, big, alluring;
their hair, short, curly, long, straight, wavy;
their sizes and shapes all in different forms,
the different facials, expressions, smiles they all had,
I was amazed.

I was dazed by how they held individual beauty.

No, please don't think I'm like some great person that sees the beauty in everything.
I tend to have specifications to my appeal and hold a strong belief in what I do compliment people.

Anyways, directing it back to ourselves.

Do you see yourself as beautiful?
Why? (to whatever you answered - that being yes, no, maybe or idk)

Yea, stop at that question, and ask yourself:

In my head,
I'm scanning through several answers girls would tell me.
And perhaps, I just may do a little survey on that.

However, it's like 3 + am now, and I think my post will be a little too long,
so I'm gonna end it here, and hopefully post a part 3 with a sum of responses from my mini survey.

p.s - I reckon I look like a pau. It makes me hungry ^.^' And I kinda miss having decent skin.

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