Life in between

You see, no one is really contented.

You would know that girls with straight hair want curly hair;
those with curly hair want straight hair.
Girls who are really curvy have wished to be skinnier,
girls who are skinny want more curves.

It reminded me of myself.
I hated being back in Malaysia when I first arrived,
and I disliked being back in New Zealand when I returned.

I used to boast about how I could walk freely on these streets,
and then I complain about how I needed to walk these streets.

You see, contentment doesn't come instantly to me.

I tell my friends how blessed I am to have met them,
and I tell myself how lonely I am despite the great friends I think I have.

I see the good, and the bad - way too often.

The clock struck 12, twelve minutes ago.
nineteen is the amount of years I've lived on this earth.

The urge to self-pity and cry was strong.
It's really easy to pick the flaws on my face,
the imperfections in myself,
the speck in others,
the deficit around me.

But I'll refuse.

15 minutes to being 19,
I want to use each breath to give thanks.

I want to be grateful for everything that comes to mind.

one, for my parents - for bringing me to this earth, for giving me life literally;

two, for my friends - my true friends, the ones that make the effort to look for me, even miles apart, even in my absence, even in our silences.

three, my sisters;
The older one, for making me feel home for the last 4 months. for buying me nice presents (I'm very much a gift person). for her generosity.
The younger one, for her words of wisdom. for her consistent listening ear and interest.

four, for the food I love, for the food I get to devour. Thank you, my provider.

five, for safety. Never have I been robbed, never have I been hurt by a stranger. Never have I been injured to a point of being hospitalised.

six, for my health.

seventh, for every body part that's intact and efficient.

eighth, for my today and tomorrow.

ninth, for people that have a need. You enable me to meet your need.

tenth, for the gifts and talents that I have that doesn't seem much like an ordinary spectacular gift or talent that people have.

eleventh, for the birthday wishes I'll receive.

twelfth, for salvation and freedom.

thirteenth, for a hope and a future.

fourteenth, for lovely weather.

fifteenth, for the joy in little things; like warm showers, layers of socks and a comfy bed.

sixteenth, for the joy in people; like my grandmothers & meeting new friends.

seventeenth, for money.

eighteenth, for my Lord, comforter, Saviour and God.

nineteenth, for the last year of being a teenager.