Friday, January 3, 2014

A burning desire

My heart throbs; almost like a heart break, but a good one.
During teenstreet,  a video was shared on Syrian kids.
As I was watching the video, I felt my heart drop, and tears welled up in my eyes.
The children from the video were adorable,  and I felt my heart yearning for them.
However,  as the night drew in, that longing faded.

Upon arrival after teenstreet, I sit at secret recipe in KLIA; reading a book I bought : ' how I fell in love.. with Africa '. It's about a Singaporean girl who went for a mission trip in 2010, and well, fell in love with south africa. Upon reading the first chapter,  I felt my heart drop, again. A deeper yearning arising within me, and so I spoke of it to my sister.

It seems a bit crazy for someone like me. Mission trips.
Not those that lasts for several days, nor a few miles away. 
No, my heart is reaching beyond borders, it's yearning for something beyond my comfort.

" Is God calling me..? "
Maybe a deep sense approached me the other day, but maybe I was too afraid.
Disgusted at my selfishness and worries, I contemplated on it.
My sister, my very wise sister gave me a talk on this; that if it is God's calling,  I should pursue it, regardless... because this life I live is for him. And deep down, I know it's beyond a test of obedience.
I convinced myself,  that perhaps all I had to do was be willing to give it all and say yes; that probably it was just a test of how much I was able to let go.

(And this (above) was written last month.)

Today, I stayed home. I'm down with cough and a slight flu. So I skipped tuition the day before, and work today too. I went to bed pretty early last night - like around 10, and slept through 'till 11am+ today. Of course, having to wake up several times last night due to my discomfort.

I spent some time reading this book, again. (I'm still not finished with it)

And every single time I read it, I feel like crying.
Marriane Hui (the author) wrote it with much honesty and realness in my opinion.
I really enjoy reading this book. I feel as if I myself am falling in love with Africa, through her experiences.
The book helped to open my eyes to my surroundings, and beyond.

There are so many things to take into consideration, and there's still so many things yet to be done.

Honestly, I don't know whether I'm called for missions. The thought of it can be really uneasy. I usually tend to see missionaries, as people who are selfless, kind-hearted, willing, loving, sacrificing and such.

Either way, I know that my purpose in life is for God. And if He decides to call me for missions, he'll lead me that way. So as for today, I gave God my life to help me love more, to help me love better.

There are so many things we can do. I mean, I find myself so blessed to be living my life. 

There's someone out there who's being abused, raped, tortured, deprived, hungry, lonely.

It's funny, because the worries I face, the worries we face are nowhere near what the unfortunate people face. And this book helps to remind me that there is more to life than this. There's more to life than me.

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