Monday, November 18, 2013

I tried

I'm so angry at you.
I'm so disappointed.
I'm okay, but yet Im so mad.

I tell myself I won't regret;
I expected the worst, yet a part of me was still in all hopes that I'd be wrong.

Perhaps I'm mad at myself,
For losing. For falling. For staying. For not changing like you.
For not losing like you.
For not being ignorant and not care.

I'm not all that angry.
I'm not sad.
I just feel let down.

For trusting. For believing.
For expecting. For wanting.
For thinking. For starting.

I run away, I try to run so far,
But yet I feel like I got nowhere.
A mouth full, and yet I accommodate a blank mind with a heavy heart.

I hate you.
I don't, but Im really mad at you.
Though I don't feel angry,
I feel really negative towards you.

I tell myself it's worth the try,
Now or never, right?
But yet I feel like I brought myself back to where we last left off,
Ignored, hanging, unresolved.

I asked myself: why does this matter?
Truth be said, I'm not sure.

Maybe because I'm so oblivious.
Maybe because I believe in stupid crap.
Maybe I just want to place the brokenness together.
Maybe I want you back.. Like the way the other guys do.
Maybe I'm silly enough to think that boys actually care about friendships.

They don't.
You don't.
Frustrating, selfish and ignorant you.

And I thought you're able to let go,
I was so stupid to think that you'd be okay to mend things now.

I was wrong.

I thought I was strong enough,
To face you after all this while.
I thought I could keep myself in the right mind too.

I've never been more wrong.

And I wish I stuck to my words,
When I say I'll never try again.

So now I feel like this,
And I guess this is the outcome for me to remember not to make the same mistake like you again.

I don't regret for trying to fix things,
Because through that, I know I still cared.

I regret for involving my feelings in something so pathetic and not worthwhile.

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